What shall I define the state I'm in right now, I totally have no idea. Being judged, squeezing in some ME time for French lessons, endless calls throughout the day. People holding grudges on me because I'm busy with family stuff. Family influences and opinions whirling in my mind forcing me to decide but then they say it is your choice. Ignoring some issues and feeling ashamed for not replying back. Can't be around my friends for some time because I always get tangled with something, and myself escaping the pressure by blogging.
*M (my sister) calling*
I pick it up and the conversation goes this way:
K: Asalum 3alaikum w ra7mat Allah.
M: W 3alaikum ilsalam, did I just wake you up.
K: No, I woke up few hours ago.
M: You sound soooo tired and exhausted.
K: No, I'm not.
M: Well, your voice says so.
K: !!!!!!
She called me about 2-3 hours after I woke up. She knew I was tired while I tried to cover up. Well, it seems that they know me better and maybe I'm just so tired but wont admit it.
Tired of thinking, tired of worrying about people, tired of deciding, tired of trying to fit things in and find out that I always have to postpone them, tired of giving people chances but they are never worth their promises.
I can say all that, but I'm HOPEFUL, no matter how much tired I can be, if I weren't doing these things it wont be me at all.
A thank you to all who is supporting me and helping me by standing by my side. It means a lot and I can't even be thankful enough.
On the Bulletin Board:
- Aunt has an Angiograph next week and I would probably have to be there, because I was the one who contacted the doctor.
- My feet are always cold, is it the weather...?
- For some reason, to keep feeling good about myself, I keep dressing up for every outing.
- I got 32/40 in my 1st French test. Bad, although some people think otherwise.
Stay tuned,
